From: Jake Watters

Sent: May-18-11 1:23 AM

To: Saskatchewan Cycling Association

Subject: : PeeGee Man River Run Jake’s First (and last) Mountain Bike Race Official Protest Against Results

I am lodging an official protest against my results in Sunday’s PeeGee Man River Run mountain bike race.

Until Sunday, my most shameful moment on a bike occurred a few years ago when my otherwise wonderful wife, Patricia, abandoned me in Saskatoon after a silly argument and drove to our home in Vanscoy without me. Too full of stupid pride to call Patricia and too cheap to pay for a cab, I walked to Value Village in Saskatoon to buy a bike to ride home. The only bike at Value Village that day was a baby blue ladies Raleigh Vista Cruiser circa 1965 priced at $5. I bought the bike, managed to pump some air into the vintage tires and headed out on the 25 km trek back to Vanscoy. I’m not particularly tall, but riding a 40 year old ladies bike in blue jeans proved extremely challenging for me. To allow my knees to clear the Vista Cruiser’s handlebars, I had to lean back awkwardly on the seat and stick my knees out sideways. Riding in the busy weekend traffic on Highway 7, I was humiliated. I can still remember an unsympathetic trucker blasting his horn repeatedly and giving m e a mocking thumbs up as he roared by. Two miserable hours after I left Value Village, I made it home to Vanscoy.

My lingering shame from the Vista Cruiser debacle was recently surpassed at Sunday’s PeeGee Man River Run mountain bike race.

My son was registered in the race. In what I now realize to have been a massive lapse in judgment, I brought my bike along to the race. I still do not entirely understand how it happened, but somehow I was persuaded to enter the race. I’m now convinced there was a vast conspiracy afoot - a conspiracy involving no less than my wife, my son, the Executive Director of the SCA, and the Chief Race Commissaire!

My race was a fiasco. I spent most of the race either walking my bike up slight inclines or getting off the trail to let competent racers pass me. My 11 year old son passed me twice (I’m pretty sure he slowed down just so he could pass me the second time). He eventually beat me by over one minute. Furthermore, my 6 year old daughter easily ran past me on foot during my finishing sprint. The only enjoyable part of my race was the 30 seconds I spent sitting resting on a tree stump at the 1 km mark.

According to the results, my finishing time for 1 measly lap was 44 minutes and 8 seconds. By my calculations, it would have taken me 3 hours 40 minutes and 40 seconds to complete the 5 laps that the Senior Elite Men completed. In other words, I could have had a 1 hour and 55 minute head start and the winner of the Senior Elite Men category, Corey Zetterstrom, would still have beaten me.

I submit for your consideration the following video footage of the race (the footage was clearly taken by wife for the amusement of herself and others at my mountain biking misfortune): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hQDYzDmfLE

I am considering launching a full-blown investigation into that footage on the basis that the video and audio have clearly been altered to show me riding in slow motion through the feed zone and up to the finish.

It is now clear to me that certain individuals conspired to persuade and allow me to enter the race for the amusement of many. I demand that my results be immediately stricken from the record.

It is my understanding that the SCA has now requested the video footage so that it can be posted online. Well, feel free to post the footage and this protest and I think we’ll see who will be vindicated at the end of the day.

Jake Watters (A now disgruntled former SCA employee)